The past few weeks have been a sort of Olympics for me...but I continue the walk to victory my God promises if I don't cave in or quit in tough times.
At points, I felt like quiting but instead I expressed my anger and other emotions to God and others; attended lots of 12 step meetings and church service, journaled prayer some days I had no words other than, "God, help me"; then I'd go to sleep and do it over again.
Earlier this week, in the mist of emotional pain, I asked God, "What's the lesson...how is this painful period in my life 'purposeful' ?" The message I perceived was that I was learning the art of endurance...hanging in there; not quiting when the rough got going; continuing the walk even though every cell in my body screamed, "I can't do this anymore".
Later, I also saw that I was learning about my personal limitations: I'm only human and can only handle so much on my own...that I need God in soooo many ways...even with help in deciding how to fill my day...my life's agenda.
A friend reminded me of the power of praise and suggested that I listen to praise music in morning or evening for fifteen minutes; he reminded me that Paul and Silas in the Book of Acts praised while they were imprisoned and shackles fell. It had been a few days since my last praise music/dance therapy. I took this advice and felt a shift in the spiritual realm...the emotional vice loosened and I felt freedom....it's tough to explain...I felt different...lighter...hopeful...my energy returned and things that were tough to even think about, I did...no problem. I am in peaceful place again with God...I feel as if I have stopped fighting/resisting God's loving, guiding presence in my life and blessing are flowing...or, maybe the blessings were there, I can see them now since the veil of resistance and deflection has been lifted. "Thank you God for freedom for self-will run riot. Feels good to be home in your loving arms again..."
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