...so, right now, I'm at a crossroad in life as far as career is concerned. For the past few years, I have worked a job without any promise of future benefit (literally). Though it has been beneficial in some areas, it has not served me financial meaning that is, overall, a position that extracts more than it offers and is no longer of service to a healthy whole life for me.
Thanks to guidance in Underearners Anonymous (with secondary help in Debtor's Anonymous) and guidance from my God, I have increased clarity on what I spend each month, the finances I need to sustain a healthy life; meaning that I now have a minimum dollar amount that I need to properly care for myself (including vacations, special dietary needs, etc); to accept anything lower would be self debting or a form of self abuse. Additionally, accepting work in an environment that is abusive (laborious work, underearning companies that have difficulty paying their employees raises, etc) would also be self debting for me. Even in the mist of economic challenge for lots of people and companies...there are still people and companies that are thriving.
So, at this crossroad, I am stepping out with my eyes wide open...knowing what I want and what I need to live a healthy whole life...
Do you feel deserving of living a healthy whole life? What does this look like/feel like for you? What actions are you willing to take to walk towards healthy whole living?
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Endurance and Limitations
The past few weeks have been a sort of Olympics for me...but I continue the walk to victory my God promises if I don't cave in or quit in tough times.
At points, I felt like quiting but instead I expressed my anger and other emotions to God and others; attended lots of 12 step meetings and church service, journaled prayer some days I had no words other than, "God, help me"; then I'd go to sleep and do it over again.
Earlier this week, in the mist of emotional pain, I asked God, "What's the lesson...how is this painful period in my life 'purposeful' ?" The message I perceived was that I was learning the art of endurance...hanging in there; not quiting when the rough got going; continuing the walk even though every cell in my body screamed, "I can't do this anymore".
Later, I also saw that I was learning about my personal limitations: I'm only human and can only handle so much on my own...that I need God in soooo many ways...even with help in deciding how to fill my day...my life's agenda.
A friend reminded me of the power of praise and suggested that I listen to praise music in morning or evening for fifteen minutes; he reminded me that Paul and Silas in the Book of Acts praised while they were imprisoned and shackles fell. It had been a few days since my last praise music/dance therapy. I took this advice and felt a shift in the spiritual realm...the emotional vice loosened and I felt freedom....it's tough to explain...I felt different...lighter...hopeful...my energy returned and things that were tough to even think about, I did...no problem. I am in peaceful place again with God...I feel as if I have stopped fighting/resisting God's loving, guiding presence in my life and blessing are flowing...or, maybe the blessings were there, I can see them now since the veil of resistance and deflection has been lifted. "Thank you God for freedom for self-will run riot. Feels good to be home in your loving arms again..."
At points, I felt like quiting but instead I expressed my anger and other emotions to God and others; attended lots of 12 step meetings and church service, journaled prayer some days I had no words other than, "God, help me"; then I'd go to sleep and do it over again.
Earlier this week, in the mist of emotional pain, I asked God, "What's the lesson...how is this painful period in my life 'purposeful' ?" The message I perceived was that I was learning the art of endurance...hanging in there; not quiting when the rough got going; continuing the walk even though every cell in my body screamed, "I can't do this anymore".
Later, I also saw that I was learning about my personal limitations: I'm only human and can only handle so much on my own...that I need God in soooo many ways...even with help in deciding how to fill my day...my life's agenda.
A friend reminded me of the power of praise and suggested that I listen to praise music in morning or evening for fifteen minutes; he reminded me that Paul and Silas in the Book of Acts praised while they were imprisoned and shackles fell. It had been a few days since my last praise music/dance therapy. I took this advice and felt a shift in the spiritual realm...the emotional vice loosened and I felt freedom....it's tough to explain...I felt different...lighter...hopeful...my energy returned and things that were tough to even think about, I did...no problem. I am in peaceful place again with God...I feel as if I have stopped fighting/resisting God's loving, guiding presence in my life and blessing are flowing...or, maybe the blessings were there, I can see them now since the veil of resistance and deflection has been lifted. "Thank you God for freedom for self-will run riot. Feels good to be home in your loving arms again..."
Friday, February 15, 2013
Follow the Laughter
"Follow the Laughter" is a phrase God gave me to find my passions in life. There was I time when I had no idea what experiences brought happiness. "Follow the Laughter" has helped me to see that I enjoy being with people who are self-aware and can laugh at their mistakes; I enjoy amusement parts and playing with children and joyful music and so much more.
What brings laughter in you life? Are you following laughter to your joys in life?
What brings laughter in you life? Are you following laughter to your joys in life?
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Food as nourishment..not happiness, etc
Would you believe me if I told you that I haven't turned on a television in my home for three years...well, it's truth. I learned that the average person views anywhere from 3,000 to 4, 000 advertised message a day!! Now, don't get me wrong, there's a need for some advertising...how else would we learn of products and services we need to help live a quality life...but in my opinion there's overkill on the advertising...and advertising that unjustly uses shame and fear and pursuit of happiness as motivators.
I remember when I was opening eyes to awareness during my journey back to a healthy body size. I gorged myself on television. I could sing jingles (even some of them from childhood are still embossed in memory) of those seen frequently. But, one day, I became aware of something...the impact of these seemingly harmless messages...particularly with food advertising. One day, as I viewed a restaurant commercial...as I watched people smiling and laughing as they ate this food on a table before them; I said, out loud, "Boy, they're having fun with that food". As I heard those words roll over the threshold of my lips, I was shocked at the twisted logic....food was not fun...how did I ever get that notion; fun and happiness, for me, comes from engaging relationships and having life enhancing experiences...not from eating. Food is nourishment...plain and simple for me...it is fuel for my livelihood when I choose purposely...when I choose nutrient rich food.
From that point on, I decided to back away from television. I watch it occasionally when working out at the gym or at family or friends homes...but not in my home and sparingly. I saw subconscious reasoning that added logs to the burning flame of compulsive eating in my life...I had been influenced to accept the faulty belief that food would add joy and happiness into my life...but it was the exact opposite...the more food I ate trying to get emotional needs met, the more miserable I became...thankful for freedom from the fallacy today...
How does the media influence your eating patterns? Is it time for a television fast.....
P.S. There's a reason why you see extreme close ups of steaming foods, etc...it enhances the appetite...there's a reason why certain colors like red and yellow are used in food advertising...I encourage you to search it out "influence of food advertising on eating patterns" on the Internet....
I remember when I was opening eyes to awareness during my journey back to a healthy body size. I gorged myself on television. I could sing jingles (even some of them from childhood are still embossed in memory) of those seen frequently. But, one day, I became aware of something...the impact of these seemingly harmless messages...particularly with food advertising. One day, as I viewed a restaurant commercial...as I watched people smiling and laughing as they ate this food on a table before them; I said, out loud, "Boy, they're having fun with that food". As I heard those words roll over the threshold of my lips, I was shocked at the twisted logic....food was not fun...how did I ever get that notion; fun and happiness, for me, comes from engaging relationships and having life enhancing experiences...not from eating. Food is nourishment...plain and simple for me...it is fuel for my livelihood when I choose purposely...when I choose nutrient rich food.
From that point on, I decided to back away from television. I watch it occasionally when working out at the gym or at family or friends homes...but not in my home and sparingly. I saw subconscious reasoning that added logs to the burning flame of compulsive eating in my life...I had been influenced to accept the faulty belief that food would add joy and happiness into my life...but it was the exact opposite...the more food I ate trying to get emotional needs met, the more miserable I became...thankful for freedom from the fallacy today...
How does the media influence your eating patterns? Is it time for a television fast.....
P.S. There's a reason why you see extreme close ups of steaming foods, etc...it enhances the appetite...there's a reason why certain colors like red and yellow are used in food advertising...I encourage you to search it out "influence of food advertising on eating patterns" on the Internet....
Friday, February 1, 2013
Life is not a Disney movie...
...so, I shared last time challenges that God walked me through...sometimes life is going to be challenging...it was fortold:
John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.
Knowing this doesn't make challenges easier for me, but it does add purpose to them. When I am "going through" or "earning my victory badge" I can look for the lesson by rising above the circumstances: how have I grown? how could I grow? what's being revealed through this challenge...truth is revealed in the mist of walking on hot coals of life.
This morning after reading "Jesus Calling" (from today's date 2/1), attending a Christian Food recovery meeting on Joyce Meyer's book, "Battle Field of the Mind", God shared insight with me as I journaled these affirming words from God's heart to mine:
"...so, "no", life is not a Disney movie...there will be trouble/pain...expected it so that it will not shock you...know that I am here and that I have overcome any adversity that could ever raise it's head to conciousness in your life...and I have PRE-pared a way out...a way thru...hold my hand...remembering that I (circled) have overcome the world's troubles; and I (circled) know the way which you should go; so, I (circled) will lead you to victory thru a terain filled with landmines; with me you have victory"
Instead of running away from challengs of life, are you willing to allow God to walk yto victory?
John 16:33- I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world.
Knowing this doesn't make challenges easier for me, but it does add purpose to them. When I am "going through" or "earning my victory badge" I can look for the lesson by rising above the circumstances: how have I grown? how could I grow? what's being revealed through this challenge...truth is revealed in the mist of walking on hot coals of life.
This morning after reading "Jesus Calling" (from today's date 2/1), attending a Christian Food recovery meeting on Joyce Meyer's book, "Battle Field of the Mind", God shared insight with me as I journaled these affirming words from God's heart to mine:
"...so, "no", life is not a Disney movie...there will be trouble/pain...expected it so that it will not shock you...know that I am here and that I have overcome any adversity that could ever raise it's head to conciousness in your life...and I have PRE-pared a way out...a way thru...hold my hand...remembering that I (circled) have overcome the world's troubles; and I (circled) know the way which you should go; so, I (circled) will lead you to victory thru a terain filled with landmines; with me you have victory"
Instead of running away from challengs of life, are you willing to allow God to walk yto victory?
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Rising Above Circumstances
Car break in; home invasion; humiliation on the job; family conflict; financial challenge; job instability....these are all challenges I have, by the Grace of God experienced (or am experiencing) and still standing.
There have been times when I have accepted the decrepit hand of self-pity as it ushered me into the pit of depression....not today. Today, I choose to rise above circumstances...they do not define who I am. I am a winner...I fight the good fight when I hold the loving, omnipotent hand of God as he guides me into victory in all areas of life: prerequisite is trust surrender.
Just yesterday, I home was broken into...my laptop stolen; so much of my personal information was on there. Yesterday during the height of all the chaos, I remained calm...saying, "I trust you Lord"...when thoughts of what was taken came to mind and the implications of that clanged like a cymbal in rapid succession between my ears (one worry after another, after another), I captured them on paper...and wrote actions that I could take. One major action being trusting God's Love...now the ball is in my court to take these actions God has revealed as an act of self care and self love and nurturing. All really is well.
I am choosing to rise above circumstances...and when I sit above my life's situations, I see patterns and gain understanding of the next healthy move :)What about you?
P.S. Got the idea from attending a recovery meeting this morning to study those who transcend challenge in life and still hold strong to the course/purpose/assignment in life (i.e. Mandela)
There have been times when I have accepted the decrepit hand of self-pity as it ushered me into the pit of depression....not today. Today, I choose to rise above circumstances...they do not define who I am. I am a winner...I fight the good fight when I hold the loving, omnipotent hand of God as he guides me into victory in all areas of life: prerequisite is trust surrender.
Just yesterday, I home was broken into...my laptop stolen; so much of my personal information was on there. Yesterday during the height of all the chaos, I remained calm...saying, "I trust you Lord"...when thoughts of what was taken came to mind and the implications of that clanged like a cymbal in rapid succession between my ears (one worry after another, after another), I captured them on paper...and wrote actions that I could take. One major action being trusting God's Love...now the ball is in my court to take these actions God has revealed as an act of self care and self love and nurturing. All really is well.
I am choosing to rise above circumstances...and when I sit above my life's situations, I see patterns and gain understanding of the next healthy move :)What about you?
P.S. Got the idea from attending a recovery meeting this morning to study those who transcend challenge in life and still hold strong to the course/purpose/assignment in life (i.e. Mandela)
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Victory!
Victory is mine today....my place of peace is a sign of successful relating to God...of trust in God vs trust in my limited abilities when I roll alone in self-will.
A friend shared the ACA (Adult Children of Alchoholics) concept of "spiritual bypass"...which describes the place one can go...patiently and assuredly trusting God's "way out" of what ever challenge presents itself; feeling anxiety, experiencing emotional pain without acting out or numbing self with lots of activity or food, or any other distraction that hinders healing that comes from "facing everything and recovering"...being open to the "next healthy action" to take...even if it is to "be still and KNOW" that God is working on one's behalf is what works; taking a look at obsessive worry thoughts/thoughts that evoke feelings of anxiety and asking Gods help with healthy actions to take and then diving in...
I trusted God and he lead me to a God loving mechanic who practices integrity and the love of God in his automotive ministry to repair my car most economically; I trusted God and he lead me to get up and go to church though all inside of me wanted to isolate and stay in bed...I went and it was as if God sang sweet songs of comfort and peace and love to my soul though the words of my Pastor reminding me to trust...so today, I am surrendered and trusting God to work out the details to work out the outcome as I take his suggestive steps...one day at a time...all is well...that's victory!!
What victory have you experienced: great or small? A step forward in thought or action is success!!
A friend shared the ACA (Adult Children of Alchoholics) concept of "spiritual bypass"...which describes the place one can go...patiently and assuredly trusting God's "way out" of what ever challenge presents itself; feeling anxiety, experiencing emotional pain without acting out or numbing self with lots of activity or food, or any other distraction that hinders healing that comes from "facing everything and recovering"...being open to the "next healthy action" to take...even if it is to "be still and KNOW" that God is working on one's behalf is what works; taking a look at obsessive worry thoughts/thoughts that evoke feelings of anxiety and asking Gods help with healthy actions to take and then diving in...
I trusted God and he lead me to a God loving mechanic who practices integrity and the love of God in his automotive ministry to repair my car most economically; I trusted God and he lead me to get up and go to church though all inside of me wanted to isolate and stay in bed...I went and it was as if God sang sweet songs of comfort and peace and love to my soul though the words of my Pastor reminding me to trust...so today, I am surrendered and trusting God to work out the details to work out the outcome as I take his suggestive steps...one day at a time...all is well...that's victory!!
What victory have you experienced: great or small? A step forward in thought or action is success!!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Just passing through
Just passing through this place...life for me is quite full...bubbling with positive activity of moving forth through challenges on way to higher plain. I'm feeling discomfort and at times frustration and anger...but I am acknowledging my emotions. I am praying for God's help and journaling golden nuggets of divine insight and awareness as they are revealed to me.
I am enduring through challenges in finance, transportation, interpersonal interaction, career, learning new procedure; I am working steps in two programs and living steps in several others...because I know that challenge takes extra energy I am practicing loving kindness to myself by listening to the wisdom expressed in one of my favorite recovery slogans, "easy does it (but do it)". So, slowly but surely I'm walking through this challenging time.
Finding that most important to emotional sobriety at this time is "living flowly" again..slowing my roll, not taking on additional responsibility of any sort right now; conscious contact with God: practicing my daily devotional reading, extracting an action that I can practice to grow in relationship with God; prayers and meditation; journaling what ever pops up; and writing down reoccurring thoughts (which equate to worry) that prompt discomfort...deflating their impact by affirming God's love; and also writing down and taking positive action towards solution; practicing transparency with those I trust not to shame or ridicule me for my thoughts. And, last but certainly not least...surrender...trusting God's way out :)
I'm just passing through...thankful for lessons I am learning that are improving the quality of my life; lessons that may be of service to others in the future when they too are passing through this same place of uncertainty...
What works for you when you are "passing through"?
I am enduring through challenges in finance, transportation, interpersonal interaction, career, learning new procedure; I am working steps in two programs and living steps in several others...because I know that challenge takes extra energy I am practicing loving kindness to myself by listening to the wisdom expressed in one of my favorite recovery slogans, "easy does it (but do it)". So, slowly but surely I'm walking through this challenging time.
Finding that most important to emotional sobriety at this time is "living flowly" again..slowing my roll, not taking on additional responsibility of any sort right now; conscious contact with God: practicing my daily devotional reading, extracting an action that I can practice to grow in relationship with God; prayers and meditation; journaling what ever pops up; and writing down reoccurring thoughts (which equate to worry) that prompt discomfort...deflating their impact by affirming God's love; and also writing down and taking positive action towards solution; practicing transparency with those I trust not to shame or ridicule me for my thoughts. And, last but certainly not least...surrender...trusting God's way out :)
I'm just passing through...thankful for lessons I am learning that are improving the quality of my life; lessons that may be of service to others in the future when they too are passing through this same place of uncertainty...
What works for you when you are "passing through"?
Monday, January 14, 2013
Children of the MOST HIGH GOD
I am a new creation! Though I will always, til the day I leave this Earth, be a seeker of God and growth thru personal development, I am a new creation. No longer do I find my identity is old ways of thinking and doing embedded by slave mentality, by helplessness and hopelessness; by false evidence appearing real; by seeking approval of others; by disregarding who I am to please others...to make others happy. I am a new creation through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ..who began a new work in me the day I said, "Jesus is Lord"....though there were times when I tried to run away...times when I still grow weary of the disciplined life He has called me to practice thorough the Word of Most High God and through the help of 12 step programs...He has helped me persevere and will continue to support me as I follow his lead.
I as sooo very different than when I first surrendered with my words to God...it has been a fabulous journey and each day I wake up my affirmation is: "God I'm excited about this day you have planned for me"...when I remember to say these words, they place me in a mental state of expectancy and surrender to God's guidance into the life that I am to live...one filled with milk and honey and every other abundant blessing...more than I can ask or dream of.
Today, I embrace my True Self who finds identity from my God!!
I am the head and not the tail.
I was created to praise God
I am a disciplined one
I surrender lovingly and with trust to the caring guidance of God
I have an attitude of strength cause of the one who resides within me
I am equipped for everything that comes my way...I can tape into the ancient wisdom of God inside of me for wisdom, knowledge and power
I have power and authority of the one who resides inside me
I am of ultimate service to God and others
I set healthy boundaries as God alerts me
I love myself and accept my humanness
God is for me...who can STAND against me...no one
I am victorious if I don't cave in or quit...the power of the universe resides within me
I ask for what I need and for what I want
I am loved and valued by God and by my self
I am no longer a slave to the imaginary beast called fear who was created to control...thank you God for freedom in you!!!
I heard on a meeting this morning...."Forgetting Everything is All Right" (FEAR) that's ok to forget...to acknowledge and then to bury the old ways of being and doing...the ones that kept me in "slave" mentality...victim mentality, self worthlessness....a veil of toxic shame that kept the greatness of God within hidden from me. It's ok to bury this false self that developed from believing false evidence that only appear real...today I choose truth, how God sees me; today I accept the greatness God made me to be. I am a Daughter of the Most High God...I say it loudly and I say it proudly!!!
What's your identity? Does it line up with who The Most High God says you are?
http://newcovenant.org/Identity.pdf
http://voices.yahoo.com/bible-verses-our-identity-christ-gods-view-5563445.html
I as sooo very different than when I first surrendered with my words to God...it has been a fabulous journey and each day I wake up my affirmation is: "God I'm excited about this day you have planned for me"...when I remember to say these words, they place me in a mental state of expectancy and surrender to God's guidance into the life that I am to live...one filled with milk and honey and every other abundant blessing...more than I can ask or dream of.
Today, I embrace my True Self who finds identity from my God!!
I am the head and not the tail.
I was created to praise God
I am a disciplined one
I surrender lovingly and with trust to the caring guidance of God
I have an attitude of strength cause of the one who resides within me
I am equipped for everything that comes my way...I can tape into the ancient wisdom of God inside of me for wisdom, knowledge and power
I have power and authority of the one who resides inside me
I am of ultimate service to God and others
I set healthy boundaries as God alerts me
I love myself and accept my humanness
God is for me...who can STAND against me...no one
I am victorious if I don't cave in or quit...the power of the universe resides within me
I ask for what I need and for what I want
I am loved and valued by God and by my self
I am no longer a slave to the imaginary beast called fear who was created to control...thank you God for freedom in you!!!
I heard on a meeting this morning...."Forgetting Everything is All Right" (FEAR) that's ok to forget...to acknowledge and then to bury the old ways of being and doing...the ones that kept me in "slave" mentality...victim mentality, self worthlessness....a veil of toxic shame that kept the greatness of God within hidden from me. It's ok to bury this false self that developed from believing false evidence that only appear real...today I choose truth, how God sees me; today I accept the greatness God made me to be. I am a Daughter of the Most High God...I say it loudly and I say it proudly!!!
What's your identity? Does it line up with who The Most High God says you are?
http://newcovenant.org/Identity.pdf
http://voices.yahoo.com/bible-verses-our-identity-christ-gods-view-5563445.html
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Value of Peace
I see the value of peace. Without a state of serenity that only comes from a quality, trusting relationship with God, I can not hear the voice of God...distraction is a killer in this respect...it blocks off my main artery connect to God.
It is vitally important for me to protect my peace by "any means necessary". Doing what I need to do to maintain emotional sobriety...peace within and mental clarity or a mind free from obsessive worry thoughts...is crucial to concious contact with God...who guides me safely through this obstacle course called life.
Today, I understand the importance of quieting my mind with meditation; building a trusting relationship with God through communing and surrendering and allowing God to be God in my life; I understand the importance of reading the Promises of God: celebrating the ones that have already come to pass in my life as I wait expectantly and patientenly as God guides me to them with perfectly timed, specific actions....but I can't be guided if I can't hear...so, today I commit to my times of meditation and to doing what i need to do to maintain freedom from mental clutter.
A technique that worked for me a couple of weeks ago around freedom from mental clutter:
1. Making a decision to sit with emotional discomfort in stead of numbing out with food, activity, movies, etc
2. Prayer to God for help
3. Took a nature walk; took pictures; took my doggie to the dog park (calming to my soul)
(Later when returned home)
5. Made outreach calls to fellow traavellers in 12 step program
4.Attended MANY telephone meetings where God honored my willingness to do what I knew to do with insight and wisdom I needed to hear (learned that there are 12 step meeting that are heavily attended every hour of the late evening and wee hours of the morning...God is Goodness!!)
(around 2 am was able to rest)
5. Said prayer for God's help before sleeping
6. Next morning intuitive thought guided me to
a. write each obsessesive thought of worry (there were 8)
b. determine if they were dangerous or posed a true life or death threat to my well being or not (i.e. spiritually, emotionally, socially, fiancially, etc); answer for all was "no"
c. write next to each actions I could take; and if there were no physical actions to take...that ment that I could stand still and know that the God of the Universe loves me and is providing care for me with in this area. I also thought of positive affirmations and personal experiences to remind myself of God's unconditional, provisional love
d. refresh on the Promises of God that relate to each area (this is what I have on my "to do" list: http://stickyjesus.com/2011/08/50-promises-god-gives-you-as-step-into-the-digital-world-today/
In the end, I found peace...it was a gift from God...I did not pick up food to attempt to avoid the issues or to numb the emotional intensity. I faced the issues...endured thru the discomfort and came out victoriously...just as God promises...I win with Him if I don't cave in or quit...
Are you willing to do whatever you need to do to maintain a strong, relationship with God: meditation, emotional sobriety, etc? What healthy action are you willing to commit to today?
It is vitally important for me to protect my peace by "any means necessary". Doing what I need to do to maintain emotional sobriety...peace within and mental clarity or a mind free from obsessive worry thoughts...is crucial to concious contact with God...who guides me safely through this obstacle course called life.
Today, I understand the importance of quieting my mind with meditation; building a trusting relationship with God through communing and surrendering and allowing God to be God in my life; I understand the importance of reading the Promises of God: celebrating the ones that have already come to pass in my life as I wait expectantly and patientenly as God guides me to them with perfectly timed, specific actions....but I can't be guided if I can't hear...so, today I commit to my times of meditation and to doing what i need to do to maintain freedom from mental clutter.
A technique that worked for me a couple of weeks ago around freedom from mental clutter:
1. Making a decision to sit with emotional discomfort in stead of numbing out with food, activity, movies, etc
2. Prayer to God for help
3. Took a nature walk; took pictures; took my doggie to the dog park (calming to my soul)
(Later when returned home)
5. Made outreach calls to fellow traavellers in 12 step program
4.Attended MANY telephone meetings where God honored my willingness to do what I knew to do with insight and wisdom I needed to hear (learned that there are 12 step meeting that are heavily attended every hour of the late evening and wee hours of the morning...God is Goodness!!)
(around 2 am was able to rest)
5. Said prayer for God's help before sleeping
6. Next morning intuitive thought guided me to
a. write each obsessesive thought of worry (there were 8)
b. determine if they were dangerous or posed a true life or death threat to my well being or not (i.e. spiritually, emotionally, socially, fiancially, etc); answer for all was "no"
c. write next to each actions I could take; and if there were no physical actions to take...that ment that I could stand still and know that the God of the Universe loves me and is providing care for me with in this area. I also thought of positive affirmations and personal experiences to remind myself of God's unconditional, provisional love
d. refresh on the Promises of God that relate to each area (this is what I have on my "to do" list: http://stickyjesus.com/2011/08/50-promises-god-gives-you-as-step-into-the-digital-world-today/
In the end, I found peace...it was a gift from God...I did not pick up food to attempt to avoid the issues or to numb the emotional intensity. I faced the issues...endured thru the discomfort and came out victoriously...just as God promises...I win with Him if I don't cave in or quit...
Are you willing to do whatever you need to do to maintain a strong, relationship with God: meditation, emotional sobriety, etc? What healthy action are you willing to commit to today?
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Free Emotionally Healthy Quiz
Last week I took a quiz. Can't recall the original topic search that brought me to the Internet...but so thankful that God led me to this opportunity for self awareness. The quiz designed to inventory emotional and spiritual maturity: http://www.dieperdinge.com/musings/?p=82 (see link at bottom of read).
This was an answer to a prayer...to find a tool to help with awareness of how I have grown as well as alert to ways that I could continue to grow (if I chose to do so). Today, I choose to grow. Took the test...found that in roughly 50 percent of the categories, I was evaluated as "mature"; in other categories, the evaluation was "adolescent". I rejoiced!! Celebrated my growth and asked God to help continue my maturation process. One area where I'm in need of growth is learning to know my limits.
Since taking this test, I have been presented with the opportunity to realize and accept limits with recovery work and that I need to hold close to the slogan "easy does it"; limits with physical work (not accepting more than I can handle...I need time to enjoy life); and limits with exercise (it's a great idea to slow down, BEFORE I start to feel nauseated).
In short, God has used this evaluative tool to help me become aware of how I have grown, as well as how I can grow. With new found awareness, I'm choosing to take actions towards change.
Are you willing to take the inventory to see what it reveals? And, if you are willing to take the inventory, are you also willing to, one day at a time, allow God celebrate with you on growth as well as accept His help in continuing your healing journey?
Additional Resources on Emotional Health and Spirituality
http://www.emotionallyhealthy.org/
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Loving Parent God, Loving Parent self, Critical Parent voice
In Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, I learned of the Critical Parent. This is the negative thoughts sometimes in mind. Before I joined ACoA, the negative thoughts were very loud and quite frequent. Today, I have learned to develop a Loving Parent voice...meaning that I have learned to encourage myself, to affirm myself, to celebrate my self; to look for the strengths in my personality and to say, "Yay...you go girl"...also keeping balance, I can also practice being a loving, gentle disciplinarian...lovingly looking at areas for improvement without condemnation and asking God for guidance on what to do to take actions that result in improvement.
I've learned to be a Loving Parent from my ACoA program, but mostly I've learned to be loving from my Loving Parent God who is a revamped version of my old, critical vision of God...a God who was punishing and abusive and seeking perfection. This is no longer my God...thanks to captured evidence from my life in the pages of my "Trust Journal", I have documented proof of God's loving and guidance; the kind loving ways that I am affirm and encouraged and celebrated unconditionally.
Insight came to me this week regarding interaction with other people. Realized that I was registering "dangerous" in a situation where I needed to reach out for help. I resisted in a major way...resistance is a sign for taking a closer look. God revealed that asking for help in the past had meant enduring through painful/hurtful behaviors and words from others (who were hurt..."hurt people hurt people"). I grieved...crying out the pain from the past that had been suppressed...didn't feel safe crying/expressing pain as a child/younger adult).
I realized that as a young child and younger adult, I needed healthy boundary skills. Today, I have them...in addition, I am "protected by Love" (lyric from one of India Arie's songs)...I'm protected by God who helps me through challenging interpersonal situations with wisdom, reminder of my knowledge and skills that I can utilize or if necessary; additionally, God has performed miracles to help me. I have and can continue to trust God....to trust Love.
And, as I grow in my own healing ..learning to respond with "Loving Parent" voice to the Critical Parent voice within my own thoughts, I am simultaneously learning to respond in love vs react from perception of danger to others expression of pain (that's projected towards me). Love and tolerance of self and others is my goal.
A loving, protective all powerful God who has my best interest in heart is my God today? Who is yours? If you are in need of a revamped understanding of God...are you willing to start with a list of "best friend" attributes and see God as this?
I've learned to be a Loving Parent from my ACoA program, but mostly I've learned to be loving from my Loving Parent God who is a revamped version of my old, critical vision of God...a God who was punishing and abusive and seeking perfection. This is no longer my God...thanks to captured evidence from my life in the pages of my "Trust Journal", I have documented proof of God's loving and guidance; the kind loving ways that I am affirm and encouraged and celebrated unconditionally.
Insight came to me this week regarding interaction with other people. Realized that I was registering "dangerous" in a situation where I needed to reach out for help. I resisted in a major way...resistance is a sign for taking a closer look. God revealed that asking for help in the past had meant enduring through painful/hurtful behaviors and words from others (who were hurt..."hurt people hurt people"). I grieved...crying out the pain from the past that had been suppressed...didn't feel safe crying/expressing pain as a child/younger adult).
I realized that as a young child and younger adult, I needed healthy boundary skills. Today, I have them...in addition, I am "protected by Love" (lyric from one of India Arie's songs)...I'm protected by God who helps me through challenging interpersonal situations with wisdom, reminder of my knowledge and skills that I can utilize or if necessary; additionally, God has performed miracles to help me. I have and can continue to trust God....to trust Love.
And, as I grow in my own healing ..learning to respond with "Loving Parent" voice to the Critical Parent voice within my own thoughts, I am simultaneously learning to respond in love vs react from perception of danger to others expression of pain (that's projected towards me). Love and tolerance of self and others is my goal.
A loving, protective all powerful God who has my best interest in heart is my God today? Who is yours? If you are in need of a revamped understanding of God...are you willing to start with a list of "best friend" attributes and see God as this?
Monday, January 7, 2013
Triumph over anxiety
Yesterday, I felt such anxiety. It had been mounting for several days. Anxiety resulting from obsessive thoughts of several situations in my life. Career, relationship with family, romantic relationship, new project...round and round the thoughts went as I tried, in self-suffiency, to solve the equations on my own without the aid of God.
I was angry with God and I vocalized my anger with him. "Why am I on hold in life in these areas? I'm ready to move forward...to move through pauses to a better life!". I reached out to fellow travelers and a family member. I went on a nature walk and took pictures. I read a devotional which reminded me of God's timing and that God loves me; but was still feeling resistance...self willed internal drama.
Last night, I felt the immense blessing of round the clock 12 step phone bridge calls. I must have listened to a trillion (ok, big time hyperbole here) meetings. I went on line and "googled" 12 step phone meetings starting at 11pm est and God lead me to just what I needed to hear!! I received healing messages on anxiety from an Overeaters Anonymous meetings; messages of healing in relationship from Alnon meetings; and a hodge-podge of hope from shares on a general recovery line...a place where all recovery messages are welcomed from 1am-6:30am daily: The Parking Lot telephone meeting.
Despite thoughts to take a medication to make me sleep and thoughts to eat outside of my scheduled eating plan, I did not...I sat with the discomfort ("face everything and recover")...I saw how easily addiction transference could happen. Today, I'm thankful for balance. I asked God to help remove anxiety connected with the reoccurring thoughts...and this morning it is gone...but there is still work to be done. I will write each of the thoughts down...evaluated the "danger" I felt in connection with each; dismiss and ask God to help me accept and move on in areas where I can do nothing or where there is no real danger to my well being; and take healthy action where I can...each must be addressed if I am to get up totally, dust off and keep it moving. Then I will share my story with others...
Do you have anxiety provoking, obsessive, reoccurring thoughts about situations with people, what you want and haven't received, etc? Are you willing to reach out and get help from God and others? If "yes" what healthy step forward are you willing to take first?
I was angry with God and I vocalized my anger with him. "Why am I on hold in life in these areas? I'm ready to move forward...to move through pauses to a better life!". I reached out to fellow travelers and a family member. I went on a nature walk and took pictures. I read a devotional which reminded me of God's timing and that God loves me; but was still feeling resistance...self willed internal drama.
Last night, I felt the immense blessing of round the clock 12 step phone bridge calls. I must have listened to a trillion (ok, big time hyperbole here) meetings. I went on line and "googled" 12 step phone meetings starting at 11pm est and God lead me to just what I needed to hear!! I received healing messages on anxiety from an Overeaters Anonymous meetings; messages of healing in relationship from Alnon meetings; and a hodge-podge of hope from shares on a general recovery line...a place where all recovery messages are welcomed from 1am-6:30am daily: The Parking Lot telephone meeting.
Despite thoughts to take a medication to make me sleep and thoughts to eat outside of my scheduled eating plan, I did not...I sat with the discomfort ("face everything and recover")...I saw how easily addiction transference could happen. Today, I'm thankful for balance. I asked God to help remove anxiety connected with the reoccurring thoughts...and this morning it is gone...but there is still work to be done. I will write each of the thoughts down...evaluated the "danger" I felt in connection with each; dismiss and ask God to help me accept and move on in areas where I can do nothing or where there is no real danger to my well being; and take healthy action where I can...each must be addressed if I am to get up totally, dust off and keep it moving. Then I will share my story with others...
Do you have anxiety provoking, obsessive, reoccurring thoughts about situations with people, what you want and haven't received, etc? Are you willing to reach out and get help from God and others? If "yes" what healthy step forward are you willing to take first?
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Embracing Joy and Happiness...
...did a word study on joy and happiness. So close, but yet very different in meaning. Here's my interpretation based on in put from spiritual mentor, research and intuitive thought and guidance of God:
Joy: (internal/inside job); evoke quality, trusting relationship with God manefested by genuine sence of well-being, peace, contentment regardless of what's going on in life
Happiness: (external/outside job). positive emotional patter resulting from pleasurable or satisfiying experience.
Today, I am willing to continue to develop a trusting relationship with God thru surrender one day at a time...one situation at a time as I welcome gifts of happiness experiences that come my way...what about you...
Joy: (internal/inside job); evoke quality, trusting relationship with God manefested by genuine sence of well-being, peace, contentment regardless of what's going on in life
Happiness: (external/outside job). positive emotional patter resulting from pleasurable or satisfiying experience.
Today, I am willing to continue to develop a trusting relationship with God thru surrender one day at a time...one situation at a time as I welcome gifts of happiness experiences that come my way...what about you...
Friday, January 4, 2013
The Benefits of Discipline
Discipline popped up on my mental dashboard today...and that only with discipline are goals reached; discipline is not easy, but it gets easier as the practices become my norm. There are times when I tire...grow weary in doing what works (a learned definition for discipline that works for me); but, as the Word of God says...discipline is challenging, but in the end, it yields great benefit...spectacular outcome (in Proverbs someplace).
The following website was beneficial in helping me to further absorb core understanding of discipline and how it works:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discipline
I really connected with:
"Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what one knows is best and to do it gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations.[1] Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self-discipline."
Questions I posed to myself: "What does training mean? Define self-discipline. What goals would God like you to reach? What specific training do you need to reach those goals? Are you willing to Ask God for insight and willingness to practice self-discipline in acquiring the training needed to reach the goals God has for me in this life?
The following website was beneficial in helping me to further absorb core understanding of discipline and how it works:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discipline
I really connected with:
"Virtuous behavior is when one's motivations are aligned with one's reasoned aims: to do what one knows is best and to do it gladly. Continent behavior, on the other hand, is when one does what one knows is best, but must do it by opposing one's motivations.[1] Moving from continent to virtuous behavior requires training and some self-discipline."
Questions I posed to myself: "What does training mean? Define self-discipline. What goals would God like you to reach? What specific training do you need to reach those goals? Are you willing to Ask God for insight and willingness to practice self-discipline in acquiring the training needed to reach the goals God has for me in this life?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Trusting God as foundation to freedom
One of the most powerfully beneficial actions I have ever taken has been the starting of a "Trust Journal"; a totally divinely motivated action that has revolutionized my relationship with God...and has ushered me into such peace.
About seven years ago, when I first set foot in recovery rooms (Overeater's Anonymous), I found that I was agnostic...that I had a concept of God in my head, but didn't have a relationship in heart with God. I felt the presence of God, but did not allow God to be God...I controlled my life out of lack of trust that God could or would care for me; protect and provide for me.
One day, intuitive thought inspired me to start a "Trust Journal"...a place where I chronicled a story of God's love and protection and provision over the span of my life to that point. Starting with childhood, I recalled miracles that had LITERALLY saved my life...happenings for which I could not take credit. When I realized that there had been a Power greater than myself working on my behalf throughout my life, I was then willing to surrender...to get off the throne of my life, situation by situation feeling anxiety, beckoning courage as I sat in a front row seat to God's vast benefits and miracles and wisdoms that have set me free from soooo much.
There have been many, many more occurrences and God inspired actions taken that have placed me in the cozy comfort of peace....a place where I am wrapped in the loving, protective arms of God...in a high place where I see a sea of irrational anxieties that I allowed to suck the life out of my life. I no longer feel the need to swim in or to be overtaken by the waves of mental malady of anxiety....I'm trusting God and experiencing freedom on many levels, one day at a time.
How has your God, your Higher Power been there for you throughout your life? How do you need God today? Are you willing to surrender your way of doing and ask God for help...then follow intuitive thought guidance of God?
About seven years ago, when I first set foot in recovery rooms (Overeater's Anonymous), I found that I was agnostic...that I had a concept of God in my head, but didn't have a relationship in heart with God. I felt the presence of God, but did not allow God to be God...I controlled my life out of lack of trust that God could or would care for me; protect and provide for me.
One day, intuitive thought inspired me to start a "Trust Journal"...a place where I chronicled a story of God's love and protection and provision over the span of my life to that point. Starting with childhood, I recalled miracles that had LITERALLY saved my life...happenings for which I could not take credit. When I realized that there had been a Power greater than myself working on my behalf throughout my life, I was then willing to surrender...to get off the throne of my life, situation by situation feeling anxiety, beckoning courage as I sat in a front row seat to God's vast benefits and miracles and wisdoms that have set me free from soooo much.
There have been many, many more occurrences and God inspired actions taken that have placed me in the cozy comfort of peace....a place where I am wrapped in the loving, protective arms of God...in a high place where I see a sea of irrational anxieties that I allowed to suck the life out of my life. I no longer feel the need to swim in or to be overtaken by the waves of mental malady of anxiety....I'm trusting God and experiencing freedom on many levels, one day at a time.
How has your God, your Higher Power been there for you throughout your life? How do you need God today? Are you willing to surrender your way of doing and ask God for help...then follow intuitive thought guidance of God?
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Fear is non existant
For many years, I allowed the boogie man fear to lead me around by the nose into chaos. When I make decisions based on fear...these decisions are always damaging to myself and to others.
In summer of 2012, I was introduced to the concept of fear as "non-existent"...that only love existed. At the time, I was not able to receive that message...couldn't wrap my brain around it. Years before that, in 12 step program it was presented in another way...different wording, same bottom line: Fear as "False Evidence Appearing Real". I took action of researching, online, the origins of fear and found that it was indeed a "conditioning" of the mind for means of control.
Yesterday, I saw a movie trailer that addressed the issue of fear once again; and on Sunday at church...again, my spiritual leader made mention of fear as illusion. I heard this message in the depths of my soul yesterday. The movie trailer said that fear is non-existent; that it is indeed a conditioning of the mind; but danger is very real. So, yesterday, I started study of 'danger' and what it is so that I may learn to determine true threats, true danger from fictitious threats or fear( that is conditioned and not real). This study was started not with purpose of recoiling from danger, but with purpose of learning how to overcome dangers in the moment as well as how to prepare for danger (spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc), thus decreasing the chance for fearful reaction. "Thank you God for differentiation between 'fear' and 'danger'; as well as for understanding that I can depend on you to help me overcome danger that appears on my life's doorstep and to side step it with preparation as you share your wisdom with me and help me to take courageous, faithful, trusting actions according to your guidance".
Are you willing to do research to totally give yourself the gift of understanding around the illusion of fear and it's controlling nature? Are you willing to research the concept of danger as well and ask God for help with understanding that God is your protector and guide out of all danger (this is why daily development of a trusting relationship with God thru Bible Study and practice of surrender so that God may show us that he will never leave or forsake...even in times of danger...we are loved and protected under the wings of God alone)...
In summer of 2012, I was introduced to the concept of fear as "non-existent"...that only love existed. At the time, I was not able to receive that message...couldn't wrap my brain around it. Years before that, in 12 step program it was presented in another way...different wording, same bottom line: Fear as "False Evidence Appearing Real". I took action of researching, online, the origins of fear and found that it was indeed a "conditioning" of the mind for means of control.
Yesterday, I saw a movie trailer that addressed the issue of fear once again; and on Sunday at church...again, my spiritual leader made mention of fear as illusion. I heard this message in the depths of my soul yesterday. The movie trailer said that fear is non-existent; that it is indeed a conditioning of the mind; but danger is very real. So, yesterday, I started study of 'danger' and what it is so that I may learn to determine true threats, true danger from fictitious threats or fear( that is conditioned and not real). This study was started not with purpose of recoiling from danger, but with purpose of learning how to overcome dangers in the moment as well as how to prepare for danger (spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, etc), thus decreasing the chance for fearful reaction. "Thank you God for differentiation between 'fear' and 'danger'; as well as for understanding that I can depend on you to help me overcome danger that appears on my life's doorstep and to side step it with preparation as you share your wisdom with me and help me to take courageous, faithful, trusting actions according to your guidance".
Are you willing to do research to totally give yourself the gift of understanding around the illusion of fear and it's controlling nature? Are you willing to research the concept of danger as well and ask God for help with understanding that God is your protector and guide out of all danger (this is why daily development of a trusting relationship with God thru Bible Study and practice of surrender so that God may show us that he will never leave or forsake...even in times of danger...we are loved and protected under the wings of God alone)...
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year!!
Today is a day of reflection and thanksgiving for me. I am so happy with progress I've made to date. So, thankful for my friends...wow!! The people in my circle are awesome...mutual give and take, verbalized appreciation; honesty...unconditional love and acceptance is what we practice with each other to the best of our ability. And, in this moment, I'm realizing that the relationship I enjoy with friends is symbolic of the healing, communicative relationship I now experience with God and with myself. As I heal/recover and become healthier and healthier, I seek people who value the same and are growing healthier and healthier as well (water seeks it's own level). I am the happiest I have ever been in life...thank you God!!
What is the quality of your relationship with God, with yourself and with others? How have you grown over the past year? I celebrate with you :)
What is the quality of your relationship with God, with yourself and with others? How have you grown over the past year? I celebrate with you :)
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