Yesterday, I felt such anxiety. It had been mounting for several days. Anxiety resulting from obsessive thoughts of several situations in my life. Career, relationship with family, romantic relationship, new project...round and round the thoughts went as I tried, in self-suffiency, to solve the equations on my own without the aid of God.
I was angry with God and I vocalized my anger with him. "Why am I on hold in life in these areas? I'm ready to move forward...to move through pauses to a better life!". I reached out to fellow travelers and a family member. I went on a nature walk and took pictures. I read a devotional which reminded me of God's timing and that God loves me; but was still feeling resistance...self willed internal drama.
Last night, I felt the immense blessing of round the clock 12 step phone bridge calls. I must have listened to a trillion (ok, big time hyperbole here) meetings. I went on line and "googled" 12 step phone meetings starting at 11pm est and God lead me to just what I needed to hear!! I received healing messages on anxiety from an Overeaters Anonymous meetings; messages of healing in relationship from Alnon meetings; and a hodge-podge of hope from shares on a general recovery line...a place where all recovery messages are welcomed from 1am-6:30am daily: The Parking Lot telephone meeting.
Despite thoughts to take a medication to make me sleep and thoughts to eat outside of my scheduled eating plan, I did not...I sat with the discomfort ("face everything and recover")...I saw how easily addiction transference could happen. Today, I'm thankful for balance. I asked God to help remove anxiety connected with the reoccurring thoughts...and this morning it is gone...but there is still work to be done. I will write each of the thoughts down...evaluated the "danger" I felt in connection with each; dismiss and ask God to help me accept and move on in areas where I can do nothing or where there is no real danger to my well being; and take healthy action where I can...each must be addressed if I am to get up totally, dust off and keep it moving. Then I will share my story with others...
Do you have anxiety provoking, obsessive, reoccurring thoughts about situations with people, what you want and haven't received, etc? Are you willing to reach out and get help from God and others? If "yes" what healthy step forward are you willing to take first?
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