Here in the US, the first amendment sets the stage for freedom of speech. One can basically say whatever as long as it is not slanderous, obscene or critical as in "fighting words"; but what about freedom of speech on the interpersonal level? Yes, the above guiding rotters for speech work, but for me, there is another level to healthy interpersonal communication: "safe" communication.
Safe communication is considerate, it gentle without judgement or criticism. It opens the door for true intimacy by way of rigorous honesty. When there is safe communication between folks...courage is present...there is trust...it's like skinny dipping in a jacuzzi of warm, bubbling healing waters...relaxing and stress free...there's freedom to be whoever we are in the moment...there is unconditional acceptance (verbally and non verbally) of what the person is saying...after all, it is their truth in the moment...and we all have the right to our feelings, perceptions...our truths whether the listener understands, agrees or not.
In order to be a safe communicator with others, I find that I must be a safe communicator with myself first. That when I say unkind or inconsiderate words out loud or inside my head (i.e. "Oh, look at what you did...you weren't suppose to do that) to myself, that I do my best to restructure those words too affirming ones (ie. "Well, it is what it is. I made a mistake and mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. Since I don't like this outcome, what can I choose to do differently next time?). And, then, I can "clean up the wreckage" or damage with an amends and restitution to anyone I've harmed...even if the one harmed is myself....important for me to make amends to myself as well.
The God is a safe communicator...I have said some inconsiderate things to God in moments of anger and brutal honesty. God knew that this was not my norm...that I was off a bit. He waited til I was calm and brought the healing balm of love by way of a seemingly random statements from a person was totally unaware of what happened previously between God and I; and then God gently spoke words to my spirit (in question form) which prompted self reflective thought of my behavior. God offered total love, understanding and grace...without condemnation; this is my goal...to be a loving, safe communicator as God is with me...I do my best on a daily bases...
Are you a safe communicator with yourself? With others? What action are you willing to take to become a healthier communicator?
P.S. A couple of great books to read:
Safe People by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Adult Children of Alcoholic /Dysfunctional Families book "The Red Book"
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